Unlearning Grudge

Resentment, hatred, condemnation…

They used to be my inbred companions.

Not something I picked from a shelf one fine morning—these were stitched into the way I functioned. I learnt to hold on to the negatives from a young age. Like some twisted form of protection, I clutched every insult, every betrayal, every “you’re not enough,” and stored them like trophies. I could pull each one out and tell you exactly when and where I got it.

Because I remembered.

Because I never let go.

And now? Now I’ve learnt another trick—one just as toxic. I’ve learnt to put the blame on someone else. Because that’s easier, right? To say “I did this because they hurt me.” To excuse your sharp tongue, your coldness, your self-sabotage because “I’ve been through things.”

It’s pathetic, really.

To see an adult blaming someone else for their words and actions.

To see me doing that.

Your trauma isn’t a golden ticket.

It’s not a badge you get to flash every time life calls you out.

Yes, it’s real. Yes, it shaped you.

But no, it does not validate your inability to grow.

It doesn’t give you the right to walk around wounding others or yourself and then stepping back, dusting off your hands, saying “It’s not my fault.”

It’s unfortunate.

But it cannot be your reason forever.

So now I’m unlearning. Slowly, painfully, but surely.

Unlearning how to grip the grudge like it’s a lifeline.

Unlearning the story where I’m always the hurt one, always the wronged one.

Unlearning the habit of hiding behind hurt.

Because healing doesn’t come from holding on.

It comes from letting go—of the pain, the narrative, and most of all, the excuses.