Eat it not🥹

Out of all the relationships that I have ever had,

The worst would be my relationship with food.

I was born underweight.

And my loving mother decided to change that,

And she took her assignment a bit too seriously.

From then I started getting heavy 

And heavy stood with me for the next 16 years.

I started dieting, understanding my body

Working out and resting properly 

During the lockdown.

I used to starve myself back then,

But now 

I think I learned to love myself a bit

That I don't ruthlessly keep me starving.

I feel like my biggest responsibility is 

My body.

Not just the way I look or present myself,

It's the way I take care of it,

Nurture it, pamper it, understand and forgive it.

It's your body not a serial killer 

So please do not starve

(Maybe I'm saying this to myself)

But the catch 22 is that everywhere around me

Is everything that I shouldn't eat.

Boba tea, fried chicken, chips, jelly, sugary drinks

My favourites but they cheat on me with diseases.

I step out of my apartment to get some curd,

I come back with a fizz, 2 kurkure and a biscuit.

This is my reality.

There were days where I would sacrifice my meals,

To eat these things.

On my self diagnosis, Addiction (borderline)

But every resolution is in vain

Because it seduces from every corner of my environment.

It's bad it's sad

It was years of determination and consistency,

It's a mother's need to see her baby healthy,

But a random pizza night 

And I plunge into self loathing next.

Someone do something,

Take these away from me.